Building confidence
Over the past few weeks I’ve had multiple patients facing similar challenges. The 25 year old woman who wants a promotion at work and feels nervous about asking for more. A 17 year old young man who has his first interview for a job. And a 54 year old who is about to go on his first date after a long time of singlehood, unsure of how he’ll come across. The common question becomes, “How do I feel more confident”. Here’s a brief video to explain.
Here are a few tips on how to build confidence:
Embrace the fear.
We can remind ourselves that feeling insecure is a normal part of life. We all feel insecure sometimes, and underneath that is fear. Of not being loved, of not being intelligent enough, attractive enough, funny enough… of being good enough. Go towards that fear - embrace it, then question it. If you don’t get that job offer, does it mean you aren’t good enough? If the date doesn’t go well, it doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive, intelligent, funny, whatever enough. It most likely means it wasn’t a good fit. It’s a good thing you aren’t wasting more time and energy towards it. If you evaluate the fear, you might find that it’s overblown.
2. Ask these two questions
The day/night before the meeting, ask yourself “how do I want to be perceived?”. Then ask, “how do I want the other person to perceive me?” Asking these questions can help you re-frame your perspective before your meeting.
3. Take up space
Then the few minutes before your meeting, go into a private place and stretch your arms out as far as you can, reach to the sky, try to touch your hands to opposite sides of the room. Take up space. Getting physically big helps to remind you to take up space. Because you should, and you deserve it. Remind yourself of who you know yourself to be.
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